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With more orders to keep quiet we trooped back to the ward and made to lie on our beds. The others could lie face down but with the effects of the sedative now gone, I couldn't get any relief whichever way I laid down and the pain level now high, I could easily have screamed my head off, but the male nurse patrolling the ward, gave the young girl a whack with his strap when she cried out too loudly so I tried to contain myself and only groaned softly."This one's only had Moderate?" I must have drifted away in exhaustion because when I looked at the source of the voice, a man in a white coat and wearing a stethoscope, stood by my bed, clipboard in hand."Apparently she lost her temper and attacked the machine supervisors."Gentle hands touched various tender places and I felt the stethoscope on my back. "Hearts alright Matron, but her flesh is more badly bruised than many Hard or even Severe chastisements. Treat her as having had Hard and tape a pain suppressing unit to her spine. Sedate. However, that night also forced me to address my own jealous feelings and find a way to cope.My current coping mechanism is to embrace it fully. Yes, I get jealous. No that feeling won’t go away. But I will use it to my own choosing, hopefully creating some provocative writing from it instead of letting it consume me whole. I have imagined our trio in every possible way, you and her while I am left out, me fucking someone while she denies you again, me and my ex as you tear yourself down in your own lonely room. Admit the feelings and own them. Be the boss of them and never let them leave another scar.I will always tell you when I get hit on. Sometimes just out of my habit for honesty. Other times specifically to stir that green boiling pool in your mind. I mention dating, finding a boyfriend that I can be free and open to go and do things with in the daylight instead of our midnight, unseen passions. I don’t tell you these things to anger you or make you feel bad. I tell you because.
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